The Expat Wife

Another Expat Wife emailed this to me today and I thought I'd share.  It's so true.  Where was this before I became one!!

The Expat Wife

Expat wives have a terrible reputation. Gin swilling, lazy, diamond dripping, drunk by lunch time, double kissing, designer handbag owning, do I need to go on?

Of course now that it's 2010 they're no longer called expat wives, they're "trailing spouses," yep, thanks for that, I feel so much better now. I love the visual of me trailing behind G, hunched over and waiting for direction. Maybe we'll forget about the title.

So, who and what is she?

In my experience she's like any group of women, she's a nurse, a doctor, a dentist, a hairdresser, a chef, a banker. The one thing she usually has in common with her expat friends, is that at some stage she sat down with her partner and had to make a practical choice on whether they were going to take "the job" overseas. In our case, I was 8 weeks pregnant when that conversation came. We did the math and it seemed impractical to turn the job down, the salary G was offered was the nearly the same as our two salaries in Australia, our worries of affordable child care and negotiating maternity leave arrangements would be non existent, it just seemed to make sense to go.

G was an expat child, he was incredibly excited about hitting the road again, there was a piece of family nostalgia there for him and he was happy with the idea of showing a child the expat life, me, not so much. The plan was 2 years in Indonesia, save some money, enjoy the experience and come home. I didn't resign from work, I took a leave of absence, 11 years later and I still haven't been able to formally resign from that role. What do you think Freud would say about that?

When we arrived in Jakarta and G went off to his first day at the office, I sat in our hotel room looking out over the grey city skyline, all logic and practicality disappeared from my mind.  I quickly forgot our agreement. I wondered what on earth had possessed me to give up my career, friends and family to take on the role where my whole existence appeared to be being Mrs G. In fact, that's what the staff at the hotel called me, Mrs G! As I wandered around the city I felt incredibly lonely. If I wasn't working then who was I?  I kept looking in the mirror at my 5 month pregnant body not really knowing who she was either.

After a couple of very quiet days the phone began to ring, British, American and Australian accents at the end of the line. "My husband mentioned there was a new Australian at the office and his wife was pregnant, do you have a doctor? I had a baby last year" a woman with a thick Scottish accent said. Someone invited me on a museum tour, someone else for a coffee "have you heard about ANZA?". None of these women were the same, they were all from different parts of the world, all different ages but they had all been the woman in the hotel room, they had a pretty good idea on what was going through my mind.

When I started to spend time with them I realized that it doesn't matter if you're a hippy, or a conservative, at any age, the story from the very well dressed dignified woman in the corner about how she had to poo in her handbag while stuck in traffic in Mumbai with a serious case of Delhi belly is hysterical to everyone. They laughed about their language disasters, rats in their dryer pipes, no electricity or phone for days, cold showers, doctors who diagnosed them with terrible non existent diseases and the tragic haircut where "just cut a little bit off" translated to "just leave a little bit there" (it took me two years to grow that haircut out).

An expat wife acquires the skill of looking across the room and thinking (as my friend Jen later told me) "I'll have her, she's mine" as they see something in someone that looks familiar. A lifelong friendship can be made in a moment, over the death of a family member or a terrifying health scare for a child. You'll find yourself sharing intimate stories with a friend you've only known for a few weeks, the terrible ex boyfriend, the miscarriage and the fight you had with your sister when you were 8, because you need to share, if you're going to be good friends she needs to know the details. That's why when you phone her the next day to say the car won't start and your husbands in China, she'll be there.

An expat wife will nervously walk in to a room full of strangers biting the side of her cheek, armed with a list of questions

• Is the milk okay to drink?
• Do you have a good doctor, mechanic, dentist or physio?
• Can you draw me a map to the school?
• Where do I buy a decent bra?
• What sort of cab should I get in to?
• Do they have Napisan here?
• Why is there a sign "this meat does not contain traces of mad cow disease" in the supermarket?
• Why can't I find tampons?
• Where can I find a math tutor?

It will be more than likely that she will leave the room with the answers, a list of phone numbers and an invitation for tomorrow. She may not have met one person she can see herself being friends with but that fear of never meeting anyone will be gone. She'll feel indestructible, it will be better than the best performance review she's ever had.

Another gymnast?

Milly must be spending too much time at the girls gymnastics classes.  This is her new favorite thing.....

She loves to lay in my lap and hang upside down.  Sometime she'll even flip her legs over.  And then just giggles.

Jocy and Elly are in Rhythmic Gymnastics together this year.  If not I would be going 5 days a week.  Elly's class was going to be Tues and Thurs.  And Jocy's Mon, Wed, Saturday.  That would be 80 minutes in the car daily!  Their coach loves Elly anyways.  She is also her PE teacher (Nate's too).  So she was willing to bump Elly up with the older girls.  Most of these girls have been taking for years.  Jocy and Elly are at just a year but they are doing really well.  Ms. Yana just asked Jocy if she would compete with the top girls over Spring Break.  I am a bit nervous for her since she has at least two years less of training.  But I think she will do well.  Elly has her own routine this year.  She isn't competing.  We talked about it but I think she is just too young and immature.  There are talks about competitions in Russia and Yugoslavian countries this year and I just don't think she is ready to travel.  Jocy has at least been on two school trips and is a pretty responsible kiddo.

This Saturday I took the girls to gym.  Joel has been doing it since Milly was born.  Milly and I actually got to watch a full class.  Well Milly got passed around a bit.  She gets spoiled from the other moms.  I only managed a few pics but thought I'd share them.  Hoping to go again this weekend, without Milly and get some more.

My kids are lucky

Today my hubby posted on FB (which is a rarity) and shared one of the pics from Barcelona that I had posted. He made the comment that his 3 hour (250km) daily commute was worth it because we get to experience all these new places with the kids.

 Who knows if we would have ever travelled to half of these places in our lifetime if we weren't over here. I know they probably won't remember much of it but they will at least have the pictures. And Milly will always have in her passport that she was born in Turkey. The kids in Manor Hill in Liberty thought it was cool that Jocy was born in Detroit. We have a short 17 months left, and I have so many places I want to travel still.

 This year we are already planning trips to Portugal, Morocco and Germany. Hopefully, we can squeeze in another vacation around the girls gymnastics camp so we can see more of Turkey. Plus, so many other places in Europe. I still want to see Rome and Tuscany in Italy, London and English Countryside, Switzerland, Austria, other parts of France, and the list goes on. Right now, we can fly to London, Paris, Amsterdam, Kiev and a few other cities for just 99 Euros! For a family of 6, that is killer! But now that Jocy is starting to compete, I think her first one is during Spring Break. So that knocks us down a trip. And next year, we have spring break which is already planned for Euro Disney.

Ugh. I don't want to go home!! Still so much to see. At least, Joel has promised return trips to Istanbul. And we now have friends from all over the world we can visit.

 

Just to show Joel and I were there! LOL @ Park Güell

Jocy in front of Sagrada Família

The front door of Sagrada Familia

This was the kids portion of the tour.  They had all the kids try to find as many animals on the facade as they could.  It was amazing how many there were.  Horse, Donkey, Sea Turkey, Geese, even dragonflies.  The list goes on and on.

Not a bad view from the playground

The Christmas Tree in Barceloneta (the neighborhood we stayed in)

Jocy in front of the Cathedral on Christmas Eve.  

What I learned in Kindergarten

Some years ago, an email or something was floating around about what we learned in Kindergarten and how it related to us as adults. It was interesting but was that really when we gained this things?  I now believe YES!

 Until recently, Turkish kids didn't start school until they were 7. I didn't know this when we first moved to Istanbul. A full Preschool and Reception at the kids school made me think otherwise. Last year, Turkish kids were allowed in International schools. Now I know it was because they didn't have preschool to Year 1! Anyways, I was completely shocked. No wonder those kids across the way were running the streets ALL the time. I thought they just had bad parents. The knowledge my kids soaked up from 3-7 was huge! I read that once they hit 7, the amount the brain can take in slows down. How is Turkey missing out on this stage? And as I have been observing, what you learn in Kindergarten really does make an impact on you as an adult.

 Take for example - you are taught to NOT wear dark clothes if you are out walking at night. To me this is just common sense! But not in Istanbul. The number of people I have almost hit is a bit scary. Every night that I drive home from gymnastics, everyone, yes EVERYONE, is walking down these barely two lane roads with NO street lights in completely black outfits. Maybe the Turks are just used to it, but it scares the crap out of me driving in the dark. And it doesn't help that they are fearless of cars. They won't even think twice before stepping out in front of your car. And I don't understand why there are so many street light that are not in use. It's pitch black, on a crazy hill and consent headlights in your eyes. Please people! Put on a white shirt!!! I love the construction guys because they leave their safety vests on as they walk down the middle of the road.

 Standing in line - this rarely happens. Yes at the grocery store and sort of at the Mall. But if you leave just the smallest of spaces, someone will try to jump line. And if you are at a busy place, say like the Bazaar, trying to wait in line, just forget it or you better start swinging elbows. I always let someone else do it because people don't pay any attention to the stroller. On Sunday, I had an old woman about fall on the stroller and another lady just walking right into the side of the stroller. Her purse almost whacked Milly. Hello, it's a BIG orange thing. I know you saw me there! I have started swearing more recently. 

Taking turns and following the rules - God helps us if anyone could do these two things on the roads of Istanbul. If there is one thing I am coming to hate about Istanbul, it is driving. They will cut you off, push you out of your lane, pull out in front of you (when your car is already passing that car) then road rage you to the next town. Block the road to keep you from turning, tailgate like you wouldn't believe because OMG, someone might get in front of them. I have been told there is the mentality of I have to be first, no matter what.

 Staying in the line - I don't get this one but I can tell an expat is driving… they stay in their lane! I haven't seen a Turk that has the ability to drive in one lane. And it doesn't really matter if you are in the lane right next to them.

 Ok enough on driving. LOL. I have had some rough ones this year so far. And I just drive into the country! So it is my personal opinion, Istanbul you NEED Kindergarten!!

Mommy's Time out

Tonight, Joel is staying the night at some fancy resort 45 minutes east of the plant.  I don't mind too much.  It's been quite a while since Joel has had to work crazy hours.  I will admit it is getting hard now.  Joel isn't off the phone until after 10pm most night.  He rarely sees the kids awake during the week.  It takes a toll on him too.  At least most night, Milly is still up and he can get a cuddle in before she heads off to bed.  But this is what we are here to do.

Unfortunately, this falls during Mid term break.  I know its just three days, but keeping 4 entertained all day has me beat!  And it doesn't help that Milly is weeks into her 4 month sleep regression.  I have been sleep walking my way thru life.  The main reason behind no blog posts!  Normally, I just cuddle Milly and get naps in when I can.  But I've had to entertain all the them!  They want Valentine crafts and snacks and treats.  Plus their time with mommy.  Packing Jocy for her ski trip is a battle.  She is an overpacker like her mommy.

Tonight, I needed a break!  All the kids were in bed by 9pm.  I turned on some BBC reality TV and poured myself a Maker's and Coke.  Yep, I got out the big stuff.  Its been a while since there was a bottle of Maker's in my house.  Oh, how I have missed you.

I'm going to watch the rest of my show and crawl in bed and HOPE I get a good night sleep.  I don't sleep well alone but I think I'm exhausted enough that tonight it won't matter.  And PLEASE let tonight be the night that my sweet Milly exits her sleep regression!!!

Back of the Swing of things… hopefully

What a crazy start to the new year. Between snow days and a rotation of sickness through our house, I have had a lot of kids at home. For the most part, I don't mind having them home. Especially, when they are sick one at a time and I can give them a full day of one on one time. But at one point, I had all three kids home sick. And of course, in the end, I got sick. Twice. I got like 4 days of good health in before it came back. But we took a weekend off and rested and everyone get up and on the bus this morning.

 Today will be spent trying to get my life on track. As I sit here listening to Milly cough. Sigh. I am so unorganized right now. My desk is a nightmare. I really want to get over this exhausted mess feeling. I'm so over winter. Bring the warmer weather and rain! Even though the rainy Spring is a bit depressing, it also brings with it pretty flowers. I'm really looking forward to redoing our garden this spring. Hopefully, the maintenance man won't kill it all again. Ok, Cekic is doing his fair share.

 Now that Milly is napping, I'm going try to start organizing my life. At the very least, get the kids schedule figured out! I completely forgot they were off school next week! And then Jocy leaves for her school ski trip. So I have got to get that figured out. Plus the usual grocery and gymnastic runs. I think spring cleaning this year is going to have to be another big purge. Adding another family member made our apartment a bit smaller. And I think we need to rearrange the living room. I know Joel is dreading that because we will have to find someone to mount the TV to the wall. :)

 Anyways, enough of my procrastination.