This time around I have ignored the books, ignored the blogs, ignored everything I did with the last three. Milly is pretty lucky being #4 and getting the same time as #1 did as a baby. I hold and cuddle her every second I get. I love sitting in her room just rocking for hours. I didn't care that she nursed for 45 minutes plus. I enjoyed rocking her to sleep every night.
Until about a week ago. She just decided she was done. She was ready to go to sleep on her own in her crib. It about broke my heart. I loved the 30 minutes of quiet time every night that I got with her. Either the other three were already in bed or Joel took care of it. I would rock and sing to her. Or if she was being a bit cranky, I would play some tunes on my phone. But now if I try to rock her, she fights me or is too busy playing with the chair. She loves the sound her nails make on the fabric. She still puts up a fight her and there in her crib but for the most part, that's it. Oh how sad that makes me feel.
A few weeks ago she became a more efficient eater. Now its 15 minutes at the longest and she's done. What am I to do with this extra time! And I've lost a lot of my cuddle time! Today she decided to start a new game. She'd eat, rip herself off (OUCH!) and then gouge my eye out, eat, rip, scratch my face out, eat, rip, poke my other eye. Is she trying to make it unenjoyable!!!
I'm about to hit my goal with breastfeeding. Jocy I only made it to 4 months. I was young and uneducated and I screwed up. And I'm paying for it now. That girl has allergies and sicknesses none of the rest have. Elly and Nate both made it to 6 months. Elly started losing interest. She was too busy looking at the world to be bothered to eat. And real food was much more exciting to her. Probably didn't help the girl was always in the 3-5% weight. Nate, I really can't remember why I quit. But for some reason, this time, I want to reach for a year. It's gotten pretty easy. I've accepted the fact that I'm just going to be fat for another 6 months. Ya know that is find because I'm not going to have to lose baby weight again! So as long as she doesn't abuse me on a daily basis, I'm in for the long haul.
The last two weeks, she has really moved past the infant stage. Her personality is coming thru and she is such a happy kid. I watch her in amazement as she discovers new things. I don't remember this with Elly and Nate. Probably because they were so close together and I was so exhausted. Jocy I was just a crazy first time mom. But this time, I am soaking it all in. As she hits these milestones, I'm sad that this is the last time I get to experience this. That in NO means leading to another kid. This is so much harder than in my 20s. My body is taking much longer to get back into its groove. I couldn't imagine having my first kid at my age. No wonder they only 2! Thinking about it, most of my friends that have more than two started younger.
Anyways, I'm tired, out of shape, a little crazy, but I'm so happy we decided on #4. That girl has got her mom whipped!
Love waking up to this face. Oh and did I mention, this one spends more time in my bed then the other three? Yep. I've always been against cosleeping. Only because I can NOT sleep with a child in my bed. The only time we let the others in our bed is when they are really sick and we want to keep an eye on them. My bed is my sacred place. It's for me and daddy and that is it! But when they 4am feeding pops up, I grab her from the crib and feed her in my bed. Usually its about the time Joel is getting up for work, so she gets his side of the bed. Sometimes I get sleep and sometimes its enough just laying. Because she never goes back to sleep until 20 minutes before the other three have to get up for school. So I will give this time, just for my own sanity!!!
