Is this the end?

It has been quite a while since I updated the Blog.  I have been going back and forth whether or not to keep up with the blog.  Our life is now a lot less exciting and crazy busy.  But, it has been going for 8 years.  That is a lot of work and a long time. 

So, I have decided that I'm not going to stress about it but I am going to start posting again.  I have so many amazing trips that I never wrote about.  And now we have a whole bunch of new things to share about.  The biggest one being repatriation.  Yep.  You can never truly prepare yourself for what you will go thru.  We had a friend that went thru it about a year before us.  They moved right back to their home they owned before and all their friends and family.  And he told us it was 9 months before they felt settled!!  That isn't even feeling normal!  And I really couldn't find a good place that really shared our situation.  You can find so much out there about singles or couples wandering the world doing freelance.  But you just can't find much about large families moving around overseas with a company. So hopefully, I can help someone else out a little bit!

That is where I am right now.  Will post about the big move soon.  I am starting to have my routine and get time for myself.  I wish I had all the free time I had in Changchun! 

Stuck in Limbo

We are now at the end of March and still have no official plan.  Joel's last day in Harbin is tomorrow.  We have made our own plan but that one could easily fail.  The last three months have just been crappy.  Between the cold and tons of snow we have gotten this year and the stress.... I just holed myself up for the winter.  February was the worst.  Milly was off school for their winter holiday so I wasn't forced to get out.  Besides grocery shopping and a handful of coffee dates.... I was in my PJs.  STRESSED.THE.HECK.OUT   Is it time to go back to the States, do we tough it out in China some more,  are there other options?

We had hopes for one job.  Unfortunately, there is too much down time between this launch ending and the next one starting. And no one wants to foot the bill for us.  We were offered two 1 year contracts. (One the timing was bad).  We have been there and done that.  It was hard even in a fantastic location.  Why would we want to do it in a really crappy location?  Yeah it is just one year to get thru, but is it worth it putting the kids in a potentially awful school? Our oldest is going to be in 8th grade, so that is a big consideration.

I have had a really hard time coming to terms with this all.  And have completely avoided this blog.  I have nothing fun to say.  I'm kind of cranky in real life.  My anxiety has overwhelmed me.  Even when I am not even worrying or thinking about it all.... its has a constant grip on me.  ACK!

 Everyday life has become a complete PIA.  The constant stares are bothering me again.  The new crackdown on the VPN makes my fun things annoying.  My newly fix iMac is on the brink of crashing.  I took it back to the Apple Service Center and the guy basically said, I told you not to fix it.  We can't do anything for you.  So my poor iMac is sitting upstairs.  I am afraid to turn it on in case it finally crashes.  I'm just going to wait until I can take it to you real Apple Store and have them pull everything off it.  I have a backup but I am not comfortable when it is from.  It was set to auto backup but with our constant internet issues, you never know.  I have so many amazing trips to share but haven't been able.   We have two trips coming up next month and I am hoping to just shake all this crap off.

 I KNOW we are moving July 6th.  Joel will not live in another city come tomorrow.  That right there I think has kicked my butt.  It is a heck of a lot different then him going off to launch in the States.   We have always been a team and can get thru anything together.  But this just plain sucked.  Maybe if I was off in Shanghai living the high life.... but being here... its always a battle.  For every small little thing.

So here is to our next adventure.  I will try to patiently wait and enjoy my three weeks of holiday with my family.  Because then.... it will be back to crazy.

Days 6, 7, & 8

Well, I am behind as usual!  Milly is sick yet again.  Sigh. This poor girl.  But that means extra snuggles for me.

Day 6 - I am so very thankful for the opportunity to live overseas.  And all the benefits that come with it!  We would have never been able to afford to see the world like we have with four kids.  To education them with world views.  They really don't know another life.... they have friends from every walk of life.  I think it gives them a great advantage in life.  Hopefully, they continue to be so openminded as they go into adulthood.

Day 7 - comfort food.  Sometimes when you are far from home and having a crappy day (or week), comfort food (and a glass or two of wine) can give you just enough warmth to get you out of your funk.  Or at least for a few short hours, you can hide in your little bubble.

Day 8 -  What else can you really be grateful for on Election Day - but being an American!  This election year has been a hot mess.  People are angry and jaded.  They don't think our country is great.  All I can put it down to is selfishness & ignorance.  The American Dream has become nothing more than almighty $$$.  Living overseas for the past 5 years has showed me that we American's have it so good.  Hard work can equal your dreams. Unfortunately, people confuse their dreams with what is in their bank account.  We can elect those that run the country, but need to remember they are only human.  We can speak our mind, even when we shouldn't.  We can even turn our heat on when we want to!  That was one huge shocker moving to China.... I have no control over my heat!

Don't get me wrong, there are things that could be improved.  But I think everyone needs to start with themselves.  Do you think all this nastiness is going to make things better?  No, it has set us back 50 years.  No one can make you happy but yourself.  Things, a newer car, a bigger house, the next Apple product?  No.  Wanting all that stuff just adds more stress.... figuring out how to pay for it all.  And now with social media and the great expansion of the internet around the world, it seems everyone wants everything and now.  The rest of the world just doesn't work that way.  I have really grown in the last few years and I look back at our life and think... man, I was an idiot.  But thru everything, I am damn happy to be an American!!

Day 4 & 5

Yesterday was a busy one.  My lovely friend Grace had a get together for her birthday.  She is so kind and quiet and I am very happy that I was introduced to her.  I haven't been sleeping great for a while and it is finally catching up to me.  I wasn't in a very social mood when I arrived.  Even though, I was not my normal chatty self, it was nice to be around these woman.  Grace lives in the "German Village".  This is an area were everyone works for VW.  It was quite a surprise to see this very clicky group.  But I have come to realize, the long time expats are so welcoming.  But the ones that were dragged here for two years for their husbands' careers..... I just steer clear.  They rarely associate outside their peer group.  And really don't leave their compound much.

So this brings around my Day 4 of thankfulness.  I am quiet and reserved coming into each new location.  But I am very grateful that my parents gave me the foundation to deal with this.  I see these woman that stick to their little circle and to me, they are missing out on so much.  I have always had friends from all different circles. All the way back to high school.  I had one main group of friends, but also friends for all kinds of groups.  And as the years have gone on, I find myself the same way. Even here in Changchun.  I would have missed out on so many new experiences!  That is the whole point of living abroad.

This morning, we woke to snow.  I'm was slow to crawl out of bed... another crappy night of sleep.  Partially my fault.... sucked into another book!  I was kind of blah this morning.  So while Joel took three of the kiddos out to play in the snow, I opened up my Macbook to check FB and my email.  I remembered today was a very good friend's bday and send him a message.  He responded back and we chatted for a bit.  We don't get to do this often with the 12 hour time difference.  But every time we talk, he can always cheer me up.  No matter how long it has been, it's like we still can banter like we are still in high school.   I have a handful of friends that are like this.  We have know each other for 20 plus years.  Again, they are from different groups.  Some have crossed paths and some not.  Anytime I am struggling or just need a friendly "face" to talk with... they are there.  And then all is right with the world.   I am so very thankful for these friends.

Thankful - Day 3

I am thankful for  my friend that introduced me to Tradition Chinese Medicine (TCM).  I am still fairly new to it and will be avoiding a few things!  I woke up Wednesday morning in so much pain.  I just popped around the corner and one hour later, I feel a million times better.  And it was only about $4!  I really think this is where we go wrong in the US.  Your body needs care.  Not just from a medical doctor.  Massage prices are so out of reach for most American.  I used to pay over $100 (but she was well worth it in the end).  That is a lot of money to go to on a regulator basis.  I have been quite shocked by the effects of cupping.  I have only done it about 6 times, but I plan on getting back into it.  I just felt so much better.  I was less tired and my anxiety was barely noticeable.  I will definitely have to figure out how to keep this up when we leave!

Thankful - Day 2

Today, I am thankful to all the wonderful people that have came into my life during our years overseas.  I never thought that I would form such meaningful, lifelong friendships.  I miss them all terribly.  And I will miss my new friends from Changchun when our time here ends.  But I will continue to keep in touch, because without them, our time overseas would not be the same.