Digging out

I have been avoiding the blog for weeks now.  Even today I am not that motivated to write.  Milly is busy chewing on her giraffe on the floor next to me, so I thought I would try to do a post.  I started another post a few weeks back about the hardest struggle about being an expat is when family members fall ill or pass away.  We have had two deaths in the last 18 months.  Both were pretty much expected.  But still not easy.

My father in law has been battling cancer for about 5 years, but has been able to carry on with life as normal.  He has never had any noticeable effects from the treatments.  It was the biggest concern taking this assignment but he wanted us to go.  It might be a chance of a life time.

(Note - I have already quit on this post twice now)

So to everyone's shock, my father in law passed about March 22nd.  Which was Milly's half birthday.  It was so fast.  We toyed with the idea of going home for Spring Break.  But he just went downhill so fast.  It went from breaking his arm to having fluid on his lungs in just a few short weeks.  It makes me so sad that we didn't go home.  I know they didn't want us there and didn't want the kids to see him that bad.  We had a very lovely week in October and that is the Grandpa they will remember. Sigh.  I don't want to get into it much more.  It's been a few weeks now, so I have almost come to terms with it.  I'm still slightly in denial.  Something that is really easy being away from home.  Don't even watch the news.  My reality of the world comes from Facebook.  Sad but its kind of nice to be ignorant for a few years.  Joel isn't a very emotional person, so I truly don't know how he is handling it.  He did get to say goodbye.

  We had a very nice family weekend after we got the news.  It was the start of the kids spring break.  Jocy is old enough to know what happened and be emotional about it.  Elly and Nate sort of understand, I think.  They both talk about how they miss Grandpa Bruce.  Poor Milly will never get to know him.  I lost my Grandpa when I was a little younger than Jocy to lung cancer.  I was his favorite and spoiled rotten by him.  And all these years, it has made me sad that he has missed the big things in my life., that I know he would have wanted to see.  I just keep telling myself he has always been looking down on me.  My brother and my two cousins were about Elly and Nate's age and don't remember him at all.  We will try to help them remember Grandpa Bruce.  It's also a big wake up call that our parents aren't going to be there forever.  Then begins the big struggle, do we do another ISE assignment?  We won't be extending our stay in Istanbul, but there are other options.  I'm so torn about it.  I don't really want to go back to Detroit, but I want to be near home.  China and Thailand are half a world away.  I don't see the parents coming to visit very often.

Anyways, Joel took a week off and his sister was here for 10 days.  It was a much needed thing.  I know Bruce was suffering quite a bit and I'm making peace with it all.  In about a month, we are heading back to the States for the first time since our move.  I'm really excited but wish it was for another reason.  I know all these emotional will come back at the funeral.  But I'm looking forward to everyone meeting Milly and seeing the kids.  And eating Taco Bell.  Yes, I am taking my allotted 10 suitcases (8 being empty) and stock up while home.  I can't believe how excited I am about a trip to Target.  And I must give Ford props for having a Bereavement Policy. They are covering our flight home and rental car.  Plus an extra week of vacation.  It wasn't something we looked into when we moved here.  Thought we'd get home before worrying about this.

So now that I have gotten that off my chest, I plan on getting back to posting.  I have videos of the girls I need to post for the Grandparents.  And a cute one of Milly thanks to Aunt Rachelle.

ugh the dog won't stop whining so I'm done.