Realization...

that in less than 20 weeks I'm going to be a MOM of 4!!

 Ok, I know this shouldn't be a huge shock, since it would our choice. But it wasn't until yesterday that it dawned on me that there will soon be a baby girl in this house. I'm so excited for all the fun things that come with a baby. Decorating the nursery, shopping for all the cute stuff and getting to snuggle her all day (and night) long. But I've come to realize, about the time kiddo hits the age of 2, you start to forget all the hard stuff that is involved with having a baby. Probably why people have more kids! LOL.

 I haven't changed a diaper in a year. I've been sleeping thru the night for at least two years. Any night I don't, its either a sick kiddo or my fault. Sunday morning, as I curl up in bed after sleeping 10 hours, it finally hit me. Stirring up a bit of a panic attack. I'm going to be 34 when this baby arrives. It's been 9 years since I was first pregnant!! 8 years since my first baby. And I remember how hard that first 6 months were. Can I handle another baby with reflux? Can I handle the sleepless nights, plus get three kids on the bus at 8am? Can I manage to cloth diaper again with this little Euro washer? I'm already so exhausted at the end of the day! Just all these crazy questions swirling around in my head!

 I know I'm was being totally irrational. I've already talked to friends with four or more kids. They have happily survived. Heck, I have survived with my three. In fact #3, has been the easiest! I'm just hoping that this little freak out was because I started thinking about everything that needs to be done. We gave away all the big baby stuff. I still have the furniture, carseat and stroller. But the swing, bouncy, seat, and monitor are on my ever expanding list. Even a new stroller. My Peg P3 finally bit the bullet. It lost its battle with the fun curbs and cobblestone of Istanbul. I thought being a very fashionable city, I would be able to find all the beautiful strollers of Europe. Not so. Totally bummed. And I don't think I can convince Joel to make a trip the next 8 weeks, just for a stroller. LOL.

 Now that I have decided on a nursery color scheme, I'm hoping my anxiety about having another baby will mellow out. I just keep thinking how I'm going to keep up with the kids activities on lack of sleep. But I guess I know myself…. suck it and deal. LOL.