The Expat Struggle

Maybe it's the China Struggle.... but I am struggling here.  Big time.  I have totally avoided this blog.  I didn't want to say how unhappy I am here.  But there... the truth is out.  Changchun sucks.  OK... it really doesn't.  I'm sure the locals just love it here.  But, I just..... can't.   I had a completely meltdown on Mother's Day and the following Monday.  I felt so defeated and just wanted to go home.  I made myself feel even worse by clicking on my weekly real estate email.  There it was... the perfect house.  Exactly what Joel and I were talking about.  A smaller house with 5 bedrooms, a finished basement and a few acres.  It was even the mid century modern style I have been leaning toward.  Simple, clean lines and move in ready.  Of course, there would need to be a "few" changes in the future... but I could happily move into it tomorrow.  AND it was in our goal price range.  UGH.  So I made a deal with God, if this was meant to be... give me a sign.    I didn't quite give a time table, which was probably my mistake. LOL  But so far... nothing.

Eventually, Joel talked me down.  That is why we have made this work for almost 5 years.  Yes... it has been 5 years since we left small town life in Liberty, MO.   The next day it hit me that if we moved back to the States, my long list of travel destinations won't happen.  At least anytime soon.  That I think got me over my funk.  Plus the beautiful spring weather and so much green and flowers.  I resolved that we would be making another move Summer 2017.  But still within China.  And reminded myself that at least Joel would be home every night.

But here I am again, questioning wanting to stay.  China is HARD.  Ok, let me correct that.  Out in BFE China is HARD!  I see my friends in Shanghai having the times of their lives.  Doing amazing things and so many friends.   You just don't get that in Changchun.  I'm up to a handful of friends now.  But unless you are German or speak Chinese....  I really didn't think it would be this hard.  But everything is.  I mean EVERYTHING.  I can hardly stand to be in the car anymore.  I miss the Turkish driving!  I'm getting tired of the constant stares.  I ignore it best I can, but when you are having an off day.... man it sucks.  YES, I have 4 kids!  My country doesn't limit me!

I could go on and on about this.  But for now.... I am going to keep plowing forward and planning our travels.